Monday, March 14, 2011

I'll help you with your suitcase

Maybe some people can't move on. Perhaps some of us can't let go. Far away in the distance is where I've been standing. I'm waving to you. This time, not for your bed ridden love - only to say goodbye. Are we doing this again? One final cry. You dominate my dreams, swarm daily thoughts...I need to ash this final cigarette. God do I love you. Why? I'm not sure, but, I'm losing. My hands were on the wheel - the dust I left behind said goodbye. I waited for your phone call. I love being in love alone. You always come back, don't you? Yes. Once again, I forgive - you make promises that you want to be a part of my life. Foolish me. I hate when you go. I've mastered the art of driving away, ignoring your calls and blocking you from all important social networks. If the milk is spoiled, you dump it down the sink, if the music is booming, turn it off so you can think. Those tasks are simple. Once you fall off the cliff, there's no climbing back up. I must have hit a branch along the way. I see you when I shut my eyes. The thing is, I can't run away from my memory. Sometimes I want to dial your number just to hear your breath on the other line. I find sanity in my friends, co-workers hold me together, I run through sunny weather, my mother makes me better - I'm always clear when things become hazy but, you sprinkled pixie dust in my coffee. I'm becoming crazy. I've already screamed my heart out to you, sent kisses, long embraces, on my knees...face in my hands, on my feet, in the middle of the street, cried to your friends - and poured it all out again when you wanted to make amends. You say what I long to hear. You always get what you want dear. I wish I could do the same. I could live in Paris and you'd still be near. Before me and after me, none of them will ever love you the way that I do. It's not like I asked for this, if I could erase you forever; if a pill could wash you away - I'd do it. I will find a loving man someday. I just hope he doesn't have your face when my father gives me away...

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